Severe and extreme outrage expressed over Ron Mark’s use of a helicopter

New National Party defence spokesman and failed leadership hopeful Mark Mitchell has this week come out firing against his cabinet counterpart Ron Mark.

Mark, who lives in the Wairarapa, is accused of using the Air Force as his own personal taxi service. Mitchell held a press conference earlier this week where he released a statement expressing his total and complete outrage at Mark’s flagrant disregard for the rule of law.

Mitchell referenced two trips the minister took from the Wairarapa to events he was officiating at. The National Party spokesman said in this day and age it was an absolute disgrace that someone of Mark’s experience would destroy the Air Force in such a way.

“I’m astounded,” said Mr Mitchell, “that someone from a new government would be so completely appalling and corrupt. I find this utterly detestable.”

Mitchell denied the press release had anything to do with boosting his nationwide profile in the wake of his dismal performance in the National Party leadership campaign. Rumour has it, as with many millions of New Zealanders, almost 78% of his National Party colleagues hadn’t heard of Mitchell prior to the leadership campaign.

“This has nothing to do with that,” said Mitchell, “and everything to do with the other stuff that I was talking about. You know. Ron Mark and the helicopter.”

When asked whether Mark’s use of the Air Force was as abhorrent as someone being a paid mercenary who killed scores of people during his time in the Middle East, Mitchell was seen running from the press conference with his fingers in his ears saying, “nya nyaaa nyaa nyaaa. I can’t hear you.”

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