Dear New Zealand,
The National Party are outraged and appalled at the budget announced by Grant Robertson. Labour’s first budget since we won the election is going to gut the country, kill children and livestock, and dismantle the very fabric of the universe.
Firstly, this is a classic tax and spend Labour budget. They have increased all sorts of taxes, which National never did (ever!!!), and they are going to spend the money raised on all of their election bribes. They’re throwing money at health, housing and education and, would you believe it, foreign affairs and trade. Who needs all those diplomats? Murray McCully never did. All he every wanted was a desert-based sheep farm and some moustache wax (although the latter demand fell away towards the end of his career).
As well as their tax and spend budget, this current Labour government is really struggling to cover their massive election promises. They’ve made all these promises for health, education and housing and they just aren’t spending the money to make one jot of difference to any New Zealander. This is just not good enough.
Finally, Labour are promising a huge $3 billion plus surplus. This is just ridiculous. What type of government doesn’t spend all the money it makes on the people it governs? What a bunch of Scrooge McSocialists. The National Party would never have made $3 billion or any other number of billions in surp… never mind.
In conclusion, Labour are spending too much, they’re not spending enough, and their surplus is too big and should be bigger.
Your loving leaders,
The National Party.