Transcript: National Party policy announcement on roads – 8 July, 2020
Muller: Good afternoon everybody. Thank you for coming.
Reporter 1: Is Hamish Walker a racist?
Muller: Hang on… you haven’t even said good afternoon to me yet.
Reporter 1: Good afternoon Mr Muller. Is Hamish Walker a racist?
Muller: Before I get into whether National Party members are racists, or not, I’d like to just read from a prepared statement.
Reporter 2: Is it about Hamish Walker being racist?
Muller: No. It’s about roads.
All Reporters: Oh… stink…
Muller: This afternoon the National Party is proud to announce our plans to build a 4 lane expressway between Rollerston and Ashburton. This will be a vital transportational link between Christchurch and the rest of the South Island. It will include new bridges across the…
Reporter 1 (whispering): Man this is boring…
Reporter 2 (whispering): I know… this man is boring…
Reporter 3: He’s flat like 3-day old lemonade.
Muller: …Ashburton… pardon?
Reporter 3: …what?
Muller: You said something about lemonade?
Reporter 3: …um… yes… I was… I was talking about Beyoncé?
Reporter 3: Beyoncé
Muller: Who’s Beyonce? Is she in the Greens?
Reporter 2: No… it’s Beyoncé.. and she’s a singer, actor and media icon.
Reporter 1: She used to be in Destiny’s Child.
Reporter 3: She’s married to Jay Z.
Muller: Jay Z – is he the guy that runs the pub quiz in Mt Maunganui?
All Reporters (face palming): Oh god.
Muller: Um… I feel like we are off track a little here. I’m here to talk about roads. Can we talk about roads?
Reporter 1: How come you don’t know who Beyonce is? Are you racist?
Muller: No. I’m not racist.
Reporter 3: Then why do you only have only Pakeha New Zealanders as your shadow cabinet?
Muller: I chose the best people for the job. Simple as that.
Reporter 3 (confused): …pardon? Michael Woodhouse??
Muller: He’s a fantastic. He’s been holding the government to account. Now… can we talk about…
Reporter 1: Woodhouse made up an imaginary homeless guy. This was jumped on by the media as proof forced quaranteen wasn’t working.
Muller: …and it isn’t.
Reporter 2: Isn’t what? True?
Muller: No… yes… um… what?
Reporter 2: Did Woodhouse pluck this homeless guy out of a hole in his dirty politics?
Muller: Look… I’m here to talk about roads. Roads anyone? Does anyone want to talk about roads?
All Reporters (together): No.
Muller: Umm… but… that’s not fair. This is a serious policy announcement. Why won’t you talk about what I want to talk about?
Reporter 3: Racism?
Reporter 1: Patriarchy?
Reporter 2: Political ruthlessness masquerading as utter incompetence?
Muller: Right then…. we’re done here. I’m off to the Ilam RSA for my next policy speech. At least those guys want to hear about my roads.
Reporter 3: And your racism…
Muller: And my rac… oh for fu…
Press Conference Ends