Tag Archives: sarcasm

Family Time is Much Brighter

It was a wonderful family afternoon today. A walk to the park in the crisp afternoon sun followed by a well-deserved cuppa at the local cafe. One shoulder ride home later and a young son and his parents were tucked up inside safely protected from the cooling afternoon.

I went to the letterbox to check the mail. As I progressed up the path my mind wandered to how dull the day was becoming. The winter sun had blanketed itself in some high cloud. What I really needed was a touch of brightness. When I opened the letterbox, there it was.

Addressed to, “The Householder” an envelope direct from the office of the Prime Minister. Excitedly I opened the envelope fully aware the PM wouldn’t be just writing to anybody. He wanted me. The Householder.

Inside was a marvelous piece of work. A brightly coloured brochure, many shades of blue, telling me how the National Party had helped many, many New Zealand families over recent years.

There’s nothing better than standing outside your rented house in Geraldine, the town you moved to because you couldn’t afford the $500,000 2-bedroom motel units on offer in Auckland, and having a fantastic series of well thought out infographics staring back at you.

Infographics like this:

Screen shot 2013-06-29 at 7.45.17 PM

What Mr Key is saying is absolutely true. My after-tax wages are increasing faster than I can keep up. Yes my student loan repayments have increased, and yes GST has increased, and yes food prices, power prices and petrol have all increased in that time, but my wages are definitely higher than they were under the previous Labour junta.

Screen shot 2013-06-29 at 7.47.13 PM

It’s wonderful to see the National Party in schools teaching our children. There’s nothing more exciting than seeing a politician with no previous experience mucking in and getting his or her hands dirty educating our children – especially those in the poorer suburbs. What’s even more exciting is how they’ve not let statistical analysis or margins of error get in the way of their pronouncements. Really super stuff.

This was the brightest moment in all of the brochure.

Screen shot 2013-06-29 at 7.47.51 PM

Fantastic! $5.6 million saved. This is indeed very bright news. $5.6 million is enough to build a 19.2 metre length of nationally significant roadway.

Put on your shades my friends because the dazzlingly bright future is already upon us.

Mr B.

Advertisements

Government Announces Changes to Blogger Registration

The government has announced a range of sweeping changes aimed at cleaning up the blogosphere.

A review released today has recommended widespread changes and the setting up of a body that would issue practicing certificates and registration for bloggers.

The review committee made several recommendation including the setting up of a Bloggers Council to oversee the registration of bloggers who are noted for speaking their mind, often on issues they know very little, if anything, about.

Last year Broadcasting Minister Jonathon Coleman called for a review following the release of a report on a well-known blogger who’d published thousands of unsubstantiated rumours about political opponents on his website.

Currently bloggers are not required by any statute to prove the legitimacy of their qualifications, areas of expertise, previous work experience or their appropriateness to comment on any issue currently being discussed in the public domain.

The review committee has suggested some kind of name would be important for the fledgling body.

“A new body with the purpose of creating a stronger and more vibrant profession needs a name to encapsulate its importance. The name should reflect the membership and the vision of enhanced status and professionalism of blogging and leadership in on-line commentary.”

Suggestions are Council of New Zealand Bloggers, Blogging Council of New Zealand and Aotearoa Bloggers and Commentators.

Coleman has said the changes are necessary because, “as the review found, to improve outcomes for all RSS readers and to address equity issues, New Zealand must have a flexible, skilled and culturally intelligent and well-led blogforce.”

Rodney Hide Tells Us What He’s Really Thinking

Hi everybody.

It’s been an incredibly busy week as I get ready for my first camp this year (that’s right!! I’m going on more than one!!!). Having been relieving for the last 3 years I have forgotten how much actual organising is involved in setting up a camp. 11 hour days just about every day this week.

There is the small matter of planning and teaching for my class that has to be catered for as well.

So I’m just getting my head into gear this morning thinking about finishing of the RAMs form so that my kids are safe on our four-day mission when I read this headline in the Granny Herald:

Mad and bad unions hold us to ransom

Because the article was from the former Right Honourable Rodney Hide I decided to read further, wondering to myself whether it was cleaners, Helen Kelly or watersiders that he was aiming his attack.

No. It was teachers.

O.K. Fair enough. I mean all of the teachers I know who belong to unions are currently thinking to themselves, “I must really hold my school, parents and community to ransom.”

Take me for instance. I’m a union member. This week when I was working my 11 hour days at school – getting in at 7am and leaving at 6pm – every five minutes or so I was about how I could bring down the entire education system.

I was also plotting. Plotting to take over my school so that my power was absolute. Once I have taken over my school I can take over the whole district, province and finally country. Once I have total control of the education system I will be able to destroy it.

Because, Rodney Hide, every single teacher I know got into teaching, not to impart knowledge, not to improve lives, not to help future citizens discover their passions, but to destroy the very system that employs them. You are so very, very right.

It was that and the money.

Yes, Rodney Hide, once again you have hit the nail on the head with your wonderfully insightful perceptions into those things you know so little about. It must be incredibly hard to remain so committed to your right-wing ideologies of low government spending (unless it’s on subsidies for close colleagues) after being so used to spending vast amounts of free government money for so very long.

I look forward to your future ravings with a sense of awe.

You are awesome. Your Awesomeness.

Mr B.