Here at the New Zealand Herald we are committed to quality journalism trawled from the finest celebrity twitter feeds. As we all know, there are many, many wonderful New Zealanders who work tirelessly for those less fortunate members of our society. If you want to see their names you can just scroll down to the bottom of the page. If, like us, you want to celebrate all the new knights and dames and other people who’ve been part of our editor’s inner circle for the past decade or so, then start from the top.
Knight Grand Companions of the British Empire
The Right Honourable Sir John Key – for services to Iminim: the former National Party leader and Prime Minister of New Zealand continues a long-held tradition of former National Party leaders who’ve received a Knighthood for leaving the party to give someone else a turn at going for a Knighthood.
Dame Companions of the British Empire
Dame Julie Christie – for services to reality television: the queen of New Zealand’s reality television industry has been made a dame by the Queen of the British Empire. She reports being thrilled and humbled by the honour adding she is the greatest thing ever to happen to the DCBE.
There wasn’t really much else to report this year. Former Alliance Party boss Jim Anderton got an award, but he’s from the other side so we’re not going to say too much about that. There were loads of people who worked with kids and the poor but we ran out column inches because of a Bachelor recap special we thought would generate more clicks.
See you at New Year.
This year’s exciting Queen’s Birthday Honours list continues John Key’s tradition of awarding only the closest of National Party friends. MyThinks had been given exclusive access to the list and can reveal some of the lucky names who have flicked National a few bucks to get a tap on the shoulder from tge Govenor General’s fancy sword.
Sir Earl Hagaman – for services to getting the job done for McCully.
Sir Oravida New Zealand – for services to buttering up the Chinese government for us.
Sir Mike Hosking – he hasn’t given us any cash this year, but he is getting a knighthood for services to making everyone in New Zealand who is poorer than him look like boorish dolts.
Dame Jean Shim – for services to not giving a worker time off to visit her dying mother.
Sir Sir Peter Talley – for services to the destruction of labour relations in New Zealand. So committed we knighted him twice.
Sir Judith Collins – for services to hanging at the back of the caucus room and scaring John Key’s inner circle.
Once again, no poor or charity workers have been rewarded.