Housing Spokesperson for the election-winning National Party, Judith Collins, has today ripped into the Labour coalition over its plans to create a new Ministry for Housing and Urban Development.
Collins, who appeared unafraid to mix even the most unrelated of metaphors, said Labour’s plan was window dressing on a pig that was shuffling deck chairs on the Titanic.
“It really is a pointless exercise,” said Ms Collins from her new, and very much smaller, opposition office, “and that little sweetie Phil Tryford will try anything, that’s why I call him, quite wittily I think you’ll agree, Phil Tryford. Geddit?”
Ms Collins said the Labour Party needed to take a leaf out of the previous National Government’s book.
“Labour are trying all these things like Kiwibuild, doing deals with Unitec, and now this new Housing Ministry,” said Ms Collins, “and they really should be looking at what National did while they were in power. Nothing. We had nine years in government and we did absolutely nothing to deal with the housing crisis. Sure, I can call it a crisis now, but back then it was a ‘challenge’ or an ‘issue’ or a ‘slight quandary.’ I suppose we did end up offering homeless people a stay in a nice motel, but that was only because there were lots of working people living in their cars talking on the news about how hard their lives were and that was making us look bad.
“Labour is doing far too much for housing,” said Ms Collins, “you’d think they were trying to solve the problem or something.”
The Labour Party and Phil Twyford were unavailable for comment because they were out doing things to solve the housing crisis.