A statement from Judith Collins

WELLINGTON – Thursday July 23, 2020

Good morning everybody. I’m the latest leader of the National Party. It’s me! Judith Collins.

There has been a lot said over the past week month few months years about the culture within the National Party. Today I would like to clear a few things up.

Firstly, the National does not have a culture of born-to-rule, old, under-diverse, over-white, hyper-male, entitled Tory muppetry running through the party. Our culture is perfectly fine. I think you’ll find we’re incredibly diverse with over several percent of our shadow cabinet incredibly diverse. It’s incredible.

Secondly, I can assure everyone reading this statement that I am cleaning out any dross. I am getting rid of all the dead weight from the National Party. Over the coming weeks if anybody breaches any of our caucus rules, they will be gone. It is not good enough for disgusting, revolting and repellent behaviour to be shown by our members – particularly the kind of stuff we’ve seen over the past week month few months years.

Thirdly, many people have asked me about “dirty politics.” This is something I have never engaged in during my time in parliament. I play by the rules. I am an honest broker – Honest Jude they call me. Super Completely Honest Totally Truthful Jude. I never go behind people’s backs, try underhand tactics, utter passive-aggressive commentary, leak to the media or generally behave in a completely dishonourable manner.

That is my absolute promise as the brand-new leader of the National Party.

Oh look everyone… Ian Lees-Galloway.

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