This week the Prime Minister expressed concern that a lot of young New Zealanders were failing pre-employment drug tests. MyThinks wanted to find out more about the PM’s thinking so we sent our young reporter Beatrice Appleford to interview National’s shiny new leader.
BEATRICE: Good afternoon Prime Minister. Thank you so much for letting me talk to you today.
BILL: It’s my absolute pleasure young lady.
BEATRICE: Yes. So… you said this week employers are telling you young kiwi job seekers are failing drug tests.
BILL: Yes. That is what I said.
BEATRICE: How do you know this.
BILL: Oh… many employers tell me.
BEATRICE: How many?
BILL: Quite many.
BEATRICE: So what sort of things are they telling you?
BILL: Oh… yes… lots of things. Many, many things.
BEATRICE: Yes, but do you have an example of the types of things they are saying to you?
BILL: Yes Oh… I see where you are coming from now… the types of things… Sorry. Sorry about that. Yes. I do.
BEATRICE: What are they?
BILL: What are what?
BEATRICE: The things the employers are telling you about the drug tests.
BILL: Oh… well… for example….I was in Te Kuiti visiting the Sir James Bolder Commemorative Toilets last week and this farmer came up to me and said he was struggling to find someone to hose out his cow shed. He said he’d just fired a young guy who would turn up to work in a Bob Marley t-shirt, eat a quinoa salad for lunch and listen to the reggae music on his Walkman. Clearly he was on drugs.
BEATRICE: How did the guy know? What testing was carried out?
BILL: The guy turned up to work in a Bob Marley t-shirt, ate quinoa salad and listen to the reggae music on his Walkman. Those are some pretty conclusive results.
BEATRICE: No they aren’t. They’re observations. Tests are done in a lab. By scientists.
BILL: Look. If someone listens to Bob Marley on his personal radiogram, you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to work out that person is smoking some sweet Mary Janes blunts like those guys from Cypress Hill or whatever. I don’t even know what a bong is, man. Stop cramping my scene.
BEATRICE: But I…
BILL: Thanks for coming in.
BEATRICE: Um… Thank you Prime Minister.