The 2016 NBR rich list is out

This week the National Party Business Review released their annual rich list. This celebration of ridiculous amounts of cash was picked up on and heralded by all of the major media outlets. Far be it from us to miss out on envious clickbait, today MyThinks will feature profiles of some of the richest and, therefore, most awesome New Zealanders.

  1. Henry Beals-E’baub ($2.7 billion): Mr. Beals-E’baub made his money in the aged care industry by charging a premium rate to the elderly to live in his complexes. He has a unique way of doing business. He has his elderly tenants to give him their life savings by signing a contract with which he makes them believe they own the property, when in actual fact he owns the property and they are just renting. Although this has caused issues during will readings in recent years, the practice has remained and made Mr. Beals-E’baub billions.
  2. Sir David Fox ($1.75 billion): Sir David made his money by investing in the property market. Has several thousand under-developed rentals in Auckland, Wellington and Christchurch. Has also made extra millions buying up companies that remove black mould from his own rentals.
  3. Sir Reginald Satan ($1.3 billion): President of the New Zealand Old White Boys’ Network, Sir Reginald became the first margarine billionaire. His products are sold all over the world – particularly in California where they play a major role in lubricating foliage in the hills which are then set alight so Sir Reginald’s property development company can then develop the burnt hills into suburbs filled with plush holiday mansions that are snapped up by other rich-listers.
  4. Duncan Lucifer-Barret ($375 million): Mr. Lucifer-Barret made the majority of his fortune following the global financial crisis of 2008 when most of the world’s wealth became concentrated in the accounts of just a few thousand people around the globe.
  5. Barry Weasel ($315 million): Mr. Weasel became well-known in the early 80s following a scandal where his company – MoneyCorp – collapsed owing billions of dollars to investors only to set up three weeks later in exactly the same offices with exactly the same staff under the name MoneyCorps.
  6. Harold Rat Jnr. ($212 million): Mr. Rat, or Big Harry, made his millions after being born into wealth and doing nothing else. Big Harry’s father – also known as Big Harry – was also big and very, very rich.
  7. Dame Sylvia Ferrit ($2 million): Dame Sylvia has hardly any money but we thought we better put her on the list because she looks quite lovely in a pant-suit.

Just a handful of people who, by the nature of their wealth, are better human beings than you. 

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