Key announces plans to step down once Auckland house price average hit $4 million

National Party leader and all-round classic bloke John Key today hinted at a possible timetable for his succession.

The Prime Minister was talking off the cuff at another National Party photo opportunity where they were announcing a plan they had already announced while pretending it was a freshly announced and newly thought up announcement.

When asked by a young child whether he would be “giving up because my dad says everybody hates you,” he simply replied, “at the end of the day I will stand down when the time is right.”

Pressed further by reporters, Key said he would stand down once he had secured his legacy of a $4 million average house price in Auckland.

He said it was important to him, as an NBR rich-lister, that every home owner in the country had the opportunity to own a multi-million dollar mansion just like he and all his cabinet colleagues do.

Shhhhhh everyone… it’s all going to be ok.

When asked about succession the Prime Minister suggested someone visionary like Nick Smith be groomed for the role. Key said Smith had often shown himself to be well ahead of his time often promoting things that many, many other people couldn’t see. Key also said the Housing Minister would often continue to promote his ideas even when others had long-since rejected them. This, said the PM, took real vision.

Others he put forward others to take over his role as National Party leader were Paula Bennett, Steven Joyce or anyone but Collins.

Key then thanked everyone for coming and then made his way to a waiting diplomatic limousine lighting a $400 Cuban cigar with a $10,000 note.


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