Bill English: NZ is a great place to be poor!

Deputy Prime Minister and the government’s chief financial guru Bill English has today said New Zealand is a great place to be poor. The former member for the Southland town of Grrrr has been praised for his pragmatic view of New Zealand’s strugglers.

English, commenting on recent figures that showed the top 10% of New Zealand earners own 60% of the country’s wealth, denied the country was becoming more and more unequal.

“Sure people are struggling out there,” Mr. English told a well-paid non-journalist from Newstalk ZB, “but you have to remember there are plenty of jobs out there for people who want them.”

When asked where all these jobs were, Mr. English simply replied, “out there.”


Out There

And it’s true. When MyThinks went looking we found plenty of jobs throughout the solar system. If you travel through the astroid belt, past Jupiter and out to Saturn you’ll find loads of well-paying jobs. Jobs just sitting there waiting to be done.

Mr. English is correct when he said there are loads out there. There are. Loads. On Saturn.

The Finance Minister also reported he was concerned that some people were also living in their cars. English said they shouldn’t worry because there are plenty of houses out there if people want them. All they have to do is spend a little bit of time hunting. Sure they might not be in exactly the places they want but, as Mr. English says, they’re out there.

Pluto-01_Stern_03_Pluto_Color_TXT (1)

Further out there

MyThinks went looking and sure enough, if you keep travelling out past Saturn all the way to Pluto you will find some of the nicest affordable homes there are. The commute is slightly problematic, but when you consider Pluto is 7.5 billion kilometres from Earth, and it can take longer to get from Mt. Wellington to Henderson at 3pm on a Friday, a $250,000 house on Pluto is a very enticing opportunity for car dwellers.

So there you have it. According to Bill English, New Zealand is a fantastic place to be poor. And according to some quick (and slightly expensive) research from MyThinks, Saturn and Pluto are also wonderful places for the poor.

There you have it.


One response

  1. How much does the government offer to pay for you to move there from Auckland?


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