EMBARGOED: Queen’s Birthday Honours 2016

This year’s exciting Queen’s Birthday Honours list continues John Key’s tradition of awarding only the closest of National Party friends. MyThinks had been given exclusive access to the list and can reveal some of the lucky names who have flicked National a few bucks to get a tap on the shoulder from tge Govenor General’s fancy sword.

Sir Earl Hagaman – for services to getting the job done for McCully.

Sir Oravida New Zealand – for services to buttering up the Chinese government for us.

Sir Mike Hosking – he hasn’t given us any cash this year, but he is getting a knighthood for services to making everyone in New Zealand who is poorer than him look like boorish dolts.

Dame Jean Shim – for services to not giving a worker time off to visit her dying mother.

Sir Sir Peter Talley – for services to the destruction of labour relations in New Zealand. So committed we knighted him twice.

Sir Judith Collins – for services to hanging at the back of the caucus room and scaring John Key’s inner circle.

Once again, no poor or charity workers have been rewarded.

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