Spies to get more powers

The government has today released the long-awaited review into legislation relating to the country’s spy agencies. The report, ordered following a range of incidents involving the GCSB , was headed by well-known deficit killer Sir Michael Cullen.

At a hugely exciting press conference held in Wellington Cullen released his findings to waiting reporters.

The former finance minister suggested in his review that legislation surround the agencies be combined in order to simplify things.

“Our plan,” said Cullen in an ominous voice, “is to remove the confusion. I mean, look at how confused the agencies were about spying on New Zealanders. Although the legislation clearly said the GCSB was not allowed to spy on New Zealanders or New Zealand residents, it was very unclear whether someone with New Zealand residency and a thick, comedic accent actually had New Zealand residency, even when they were told he had residency. It was all very confusing.”

Cullen’s plan is to have one single sentence covering all our spy agencies.

New Zealand agencies, the GCSB and the SIS, can spy on anyone they like at any time with no need for a warrant.

Sir Michael says this will clear up any of the confusion surrounding the previous legislation.

Chris Finlayson, the minister responsible for our spy agencies, released a short statement saying just, “Booyaa!”

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