Diagnostic and Statistical Manual: NZ Edition

We at the New Zealand Psychological Association have become increasingly concerned at the level of extreme psychological or behavioural issues coming out of our political masters in Wellington. Our concern is so great we have released a small diagnostic manual to help ordinary New Zealanders spot issues in their elected representatives.

Key Derangement Syndrome: A seemingly pathelogical hatred of John Key that can lead to long-time National Party voters switching to vote against the government after being influenced by the tweets of bleating Labour voters.

Brownlee Psychosis: The unquenchable need to control every aspect of a regional recovery following a natural disaster despite having no discernable skills in the areas of town planning, engineering, or diet control.

Fossciosis: The inability to take questions from journalists on any issue without looking guilty and/or incompetent.

Post Parata Disorder: Usually happens to others following decisions made in Wellington with little thought or, or consultation with, the affected party.

Dunnelepsy: The insatiable need to increase one’s height using nothing but hair.

Plunketism (also known as Hosking’s Fugue): Sufferers find it difficult to distinguish between truth and falsehoods contained within government public relations. In its most devastating form sufferers can believe government PR is reality and build their lives around broadcasting said reality.

Extreme Peters Disorder: A pervasive disorder characterized by self-centeredness and an exaggerated sense of impending doom associated with people who look a bit different.

A Hooton and a Hollerin’: A burning desire to espouse fecal verbiage on a range of political issues. Puts up the pretence of having inside knowledge of political movements at the opposite spectrum from publicised beliefs.

We will update this post with more syndromes, disorders and pathologies as they are identified.

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