Collins: I’m tough on everything

There are so many things right about this beautiful country. We have a great standard of living; we have some of the best weather in the world; our prime minister is still a winner. What a great place to be.

However, it saddens me that there are people out there who don’t like those things. Those people are gang people.

They’re always out there ganging together, sometimes in family groups, to make trouble. Exercising their democratic right to freedom of association while they talk with each other and dress in similar clothes. This. Must. Stop.

I, Crusher Collins, will put a stop this.

I have a great idea. What if we got rid of gangs? What if we said to the gang members, “you’re not allowed to be in a gang. If your family is in a gang, then you can’t be in your family any longer.” Wouldn’t this be great? What if, instead of patched gang members walking around in the public, we just had the police roaming the streets? Now how safe does that sound?

It’s important to remember that gang members might have street smarts but they don’t have lawyer smarts. You know, like me. I’m talking a tough game down here in Wellington. Little do they know this is more about me sounding like a sexy cougar getting tough on crims than actually getting tough on crims. I don’t have to do anything though. No. I just need to pop up every so often and crack the whip. Who knows, next time I might ban golf. Stupid game played by stupid old men wearing stupid trousers. But that fight against that gang is for another time.

Of course, people like sexy cougars getting tough on crime. It makes them look tough. It makes them look like a leader. A new and fresh leader. I have every confidence in John Key but if someone wanted to make me leader then… what’s a girl to do…?

Goodbye gangs, hello Jude.

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