Palino attends triumphant launch of own mayoral campaign

Super-city mayoral candidate John Palino says he was honoured to attend his own campaign launch in Auckland yesterday. Palino, who came a close-run second to Len Brown last election, threw his hat firmly back in the ring announcing he was going to “thrash Brown” this time.

In a caffeine-fueled rant outside his new garden shop cafe, Palino denounced the concept of gravity, the month of July, and Skittles. He went on to criticise the “corrupt” council.

“I can no longer stand by and watch while this corrupt council spends money like they are somehow required to spend money by, I don’t know, people who want roads, transport and their rubbish removed.”

When asked about the Brown sting following the last election, when the mayor’s dalliances with an aide in the Ngati Whatua room were laid out with the help of various National Party hangers on, Palino was scathing.

“Look. I didn’t go into hiding for three years just to come out again and face questions from the media. I’m Palino, not some chump. That 10pm night meeting with Ms Chuang was to discuss ideas I was having for a new restaurant. And before you ask, no, that’s not the best I can come up with after three years. That’s the God’s honest truth. I mean who are you going to believe? A woman with a signed affidavit, or a failed politician, a PR guy and a blogger who doesn’t understand the concept of contempt of court? I know which side my bread is buttered. $6 flat white anyone?”

Palino then finished his conference by announcing he would campaign for a 93% cut in rates. He then walked past the media scrum and into the arms of a waiting shrub whom he called only “darling.”

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