Last week MyThinks was given exclusive behind-the-scenes access to the hit current affairs show Seven Sharp. We sat in on one of their production meetings to find out exactly what goes in to creating a show that is at the forefront of the current hegemonic zeitgeist. This is a transcript of that meeting.
Meeting opens. Production staff are seated around a large table. Dishy female presenter Toni Street is at one end of the table. At the other end is an empty seat with the words “reserved for Lord Hosking” written on it.
PRODUCER: Alright team. We’ve got a packed show tonight. There’s a story on sheep in Gore. We’ve got another about an old guy who was robbed because he gave his credit cards to a random bloke at the mall. We still have a gap though. Ideas?
ASSOCIATE PRODUCER: Can we do something about immigration? Most of our viewership are topping 70. More people coming into the country is bound to get them worked up. They’ll be outraged.
PRODUCER: Yes. Good. Good. That will tie in nicely with the talkback on Lord Hosking’s radio tomorrow.
ASSOCIATE PRODUCER: We could also profile a sportsman. That’ll fill in 12 minutes.
INTERN: What about hammering the National Government over the ponytail thing?
(all except intern laugh for 17 minutes)
PRODUCER: Look hun… we don’t do current affairs nonsense. Unless you’ve got a story about a three-legged surfing dog then I suggest you don’t say anything. Otherwise we’ll send you to Mediaworks to intern for Scout. Does anybody have anything?
PRODUCER: What about you Toni? Do you have anything?
Toni (giggles a light and fluffy giggle) Oh no. I don’t have a single thing. I just read the autocue (giggles again).
PRODUCER: And where’s Lord Hosking? His Greatness needs to be here. After all, without him we’re just Story. No offense Toni.
PRODUCER: Well this is annoying.
(Sound of late model European supercar pulling up outside. Car door opens and slams. Muffled sounds of arguement between parking officer and greatest broadcaster in history. Door opens soon after.)
LORD HOSKING: Sorry I’m late. I was hoovering the Maserate out on the street again. Haven’t been in the Woman’s Weekly for two weeks. Bit concerned. Fill me in. What’s happening?
PRODUCER: Oh, the usual. Sheep, old people and a big gap before My Kitchen Rules. Any thoughts?
LORD HOSKING: Well… what about me speaking. I know a lot of people, especially me, love to hear my voice. We could just have my comment go on for longer.
PRODUCER: Genius! Ok… so you’ve got 14 minutes at the end of the programme Lord Hosking. What do you have planned?
LORD HOSKING: I’m just waiting on a text from John Key. As soon as he tells me what I’m going to say I’ll know what I’m going to say.
PRODUCER: Alrighty then. Game on. See you all at 6:53.
(Meeting ends. People leave room and go about work.)