John Keys is the greatest prime minister this country has ever seen. He and his beloved National Party preside over so many wonderful policies such as the closing of schools, the hungrying of children and the cow-pooing of rivers. So often many of us sit around here in the MyThinks office sipping our Home Brand instant coffees and just marvelling at what a joyous time he has wreaked upon our nation.
This week we get to vote in a flag referendum. This is a postal vote. In a couple of weeks we will get to post off our votes for the current New Zealand flag so we can get on with our lives. When Keys looks back on his legacy he’ll say, “Well, I spent $26 million asking people to vote for something they didn’t want and my election strategist got smacked in the face with an adult toy.”
Perhaps others will be kinder. “Don’t forget your sexual harassment of a service industry worker. And the overuse of phrases like at the end of the day or it’s all Labour’s fault. Or all those blokey jokes about prison showers. People really loved that sort of stuff.”
At the MyThinks office we’ve decided to hold a sweep. Everyone puts in $5 and writes a guess of when Crusher or Joyce or Bridges or Gower (or whichever right-wing sock puppet they think will replace Keys) up on the office whiteboard. If Keys lasts until our Melbourne Cup sweep we might have to buy a new whiteboard.
Anyway, here’s to the greatest prime minister in history. He’s awesome. He said so himself.