The Great Flag Referendum

We here in the government care about a lot of stuff. From the ninth floor of the Beehive, our care trickles down to the masses like a failed economic experiment. Quite often we ask ourselves the hard questions. Like, for instance, how can we best care for our nation? What, as politicians and leaders, can we do to rise above partisan arguments about stagnant wages, unaffordable housing, and children with no shoes?

Why not have a referendum on the flag?

I mean, we in the government talk to a lot of people. Last week we talked to Brian waiting in line down at Work and Income. He told us he’d rather vote in a referendum than feed his kids. He asked us if there were any referendums currently planned. We were able to tell him yes. Yes there was. He was soooo excited. What a great bloke.

The flag referendum is a chance for New Zealanders from all across New Zealand to vote on which strip of material they thinks best represents New Zealand when people are talking about New Zealand in an outside of New Zealand context.

A flag is very important to a country’s mana. Canada, for example, has a fantastic flag. Two colours, in three strips with a picture of a leaf on it. What about the United States of America? All those stars and stripes. Don’t bother with Australia. They just copied us and put on an extra star.

We in the government think it’s important that we get a chance to change to a flag that more represents the corporate interests that we represent.

A flag is more than just a flappy thing at the top of a flag-pole. A flag is an ensign that tells the world, “Hey! Look at us!! We’re a country, god-damn-it!” It can also tell the world that this block of cheese, pound of butter, or pottle of yoghurt was produced with love in a country that prides itself on cosying up to the middle man – especially if that middle man as graduated up through the ranks and is now running the company/organisation.

What would you like to see more on your butter? A flag that was a quarter the flag of another country, or a flag that sort of looked a bit like the old flag with parts of the All Blacks flag on it?

Yes. That’s what we thought.

So when you are voting in the flag referendum this week, just remember that no matter what anyone else says, this government cares about you and that is why you deserve this chance of a lifetime.

Thank you and good afternoon.


H. M. Government.


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