John Key’s guide to Shenanigans and Horseplay

The following speech was delivered by John Key, Prime Minister, to the annual general meeting of the New Zealand Association for Japes, Horseplay and Tomfoolery earlier this year. 

Good afternoon. First up I’d like to thank members for extending the offer to speak. As a well-known lover of banter, horseplay and general tomfoolery I have spent many, many hours initiating and engaging in all manner of antics. This is such a huge honour.

We live in such a serious world. We are all working so hard. Day by day, week by week, we struggle as we wake up early, head off to work, work hard, work late, get home late and flop in to bed exhausted. So often we just don’t have the time to just have a laugh. I’m here today to make the call for fun. We should have much more fun.

Take, for instance, your workplace. As I’ve said, so often we just trudge into our workplace and do the job we’ve been hired to do. Why not turn that drudge around. Instead of sitting next to your workmate, why not sit on their lap and pretend you didn’t see them! Genius!! Why not pretend to talk on the phone all day – do what I do. “Yeah, nah. Yeah, nah. Yeah, nah. Yeah, nah. Yeah, nah. Yeah, nah.” What about a downtrou? There’s nothing more hilarious than a colleague fumbling desperately around his ankles to try to lift his chinos back to their usual position.

What about when you’re out and about? Instead of picking on your colleagues, why not try to impress them instead by engaging in horseplay with a like-minded love of horseplay. Punches on the arm, loud catch-phrases, tugs of each others forelocks – all these extremely chucklesome activities certainly add a great level of boisterousness to any cafe-centred business meeting.

I certainly know Bronagh loves my practical jokery. April Fools Day in our house is a riot! Last year I placed a banana skin on every single step of our plush townhouse. Oh how we laughed as Dr. Phelps reset her hips.

So in conclusion it’s important that we spice up our world with as much horseplay as we possibly can.

Banter makes our world go round. Yeah?

Enjoy the rest of your meeting. Cheers for listening.

 

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