Being the official government radio network, we here at Newstalk ZB believe it’s important we interview Prime Minister John Key from time to time – particularly when the government are facing vast and unwarranted criticism from far left bloggers and twitter-based froot-loops.
This week we’re talking surplus. Mr. Key was kind enough to give up his busy schedule taking selfies with teenagers and speaking to well-dressed business people to speak to us.
ZB: Thanks for joining us Prime Minister.
JK: Oh.. ahh.. thenks for having me.
ZB: Look. You’re facing serious criticism in the lead up to the budget as yet again you and your government struggle to bring the books back into the black.
JK: Oh, no… I don’t think that’s true.
ZB: What? The surplus? The criticism?
JK: Ahh… everything. Everything about that question isn’t true and let me tell you why. As a government, we have never said that we’re going to bring the books back into surplus. Not once. Never.
ZB: Oh.. ok. So you’ve never said that?
JK: No never.
ZB: So Bill English has never said it.
JK: Nope. Never.
ZB: That’s good then. I’ll have to have a word to the sound guy in parliament about all those years of mis-recording the words of Bill English. There must be something technically wrong with our equipment down there.
JK: And it’s Labour’s fault.
ZB: Yes. That’s probably right. So how come, with the rock-star economy that you keep talking about, you’ve found it so hard to bring the books back into surplus? What makes it so hard?
JK: Well it’s like trying to land a 747 on a pinhead.
ZB: That would be, like, totally impossible. A 747 is really huge and a pin is really, really small.
JK: I know! That’s why we can’t do it. I mean we’ve been sitting around the cabinet table for years trying to come up with metaphors to explain how hard it is to get into surplus.
ZB: I can imagine…
JK: Yes. There was a point where we only had a couple of sub-par similies. It’s as hard as a rock and it’s as tough as a King Country prop but none really exited our juices as much as the 747 metaphor.
ZB: And who came up with that?
JK: It was kind of a group effort between Steven Joyce and Gerry Brownlee. It helped that the pie-man used to be a teacher and knew about language features and stuff.
ZB: Well thanks for coming in today prime minister.
JK: Thenks heaps. That interview was more choice than Countdown.