John Key: “Getting into surplus is heaps difficult, bro.”

Being the official government radio network, we here at Newstalk ZB believe it’s important we interview Prime Minister John Key from time to time – particularly when the government are facing vast and unwarranted criticism from far left bloggers and twitter-based froot-loops.

This week we’re talking surplus. Mr. Key was kind enough to give up his busy schedule taking selfies with teenagers and speaking to well-dressed business people to speak to us.

ZB: Thanks for joining us Prime Minister.

JK: Oh.. ahh.. thenks for having me.

ZB: Look. You’re facing serious criticism in the lead up to the budget as yet again you and your government struggle to bring the books back into the black.

JK: Oh, no… I don’t think that’s true.

ZB: What? The surplus? The criticism?

JK: Ahh… everything. Everything about that question isn’t true and let me tell you why. As a government, we have never said that we’re going to bring the books back into surplus. Not once. Never.

ZB: Oh.. ok. So you’ve never said that?

JK: No never.

ZB: So Bill English has never said it.

JK: Nope. Never.

ZB: That’s good then. I’ll have to have a word to the sound guy in parliament about all those years of mis-recording the words of Bill English. There must be something technically wrong with our equipment down there.

JK: And it’s Labour’s fault.

ZB: Yes. That’s probably right. So how come, with the rock-star economy that you keep talking about, you’ve found it so hard to bring the books back into surplus? What makes it so hard?

JK: Well it’s like trying to land a 747 on a pinhead.

ZB: That would be, like, totally impossible. A 747 is really huge and a pin is really, really small.

JK: I know! That’s why we can’t do it. I mean we’ve been sitting around the cabinet table for years trying to come up with metaphors to explain how hard it is to get into surplus.

ZB: I can imagine…

JK: Yes. There was a point where we only had a couple of sub-par similies. It’s as hard as a rock and it’s as tough as a King Country prop but none really exited our juices as much as the 747 metaphor.

ZB: And who came up with that?

JK: It was kind of a group effort between Steven Joyce and Gerry Brownlee. It helped that the pie-man used to be a teacher and knew about language features and stuff.

ZB: Well thanks for coming in today prime minister.

JK: Thenks heaps. That interview was more choice than Countdown.

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