Houses are totally affordable. What are you talking about?

Greetings to you all. I’m Mike Hosking and as official National Party spokesperson on everything, I’ve been asked to speak on behalf of the government to debunk the many myths being spread about the Auckland housing market.

There are several things people need to be aware of before they start bleating on about not being able to afford a house in Auckland.

Firstly, this is Auckland. One of the key things that has transformed a beautiful harbour village into the greatest city in Australasia is rampant property speculation. You just have to attend a meeting of the Orewa Business Owner’s Association to realise the powerful aphrodisiac speculatory property investment has become. As an owner of several Auckland properties and several others dotted around various beachy vacation spots around Aotearoa, I can safely attest that what I am saying is words. Words are important. If you say enough words, then at some point people begin listening. The words I am saying at the moment is that property investment is a good thing. Those are some good words.

Secondly, while the average house price in the old Auckland City zone might be around $1 million, you’ve got to remember if you don’t have that kind of money then you probably shouldn’t be trying to buy one of those houses. Maybe you should think about living somewhere like Hamilton, Palmerston North or Timaru where house prices are far less out of your league. As I understand it there are many, many zero hour contracts on offer at the hundreds of fast food outlets in those (an other) towns that would definitely set you on the path to one bedroom apartment ownership.

Thirdly, and I’m only saying this because so many people are thinking it, if you are too poor to afford to buy a house WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!? You should rent. Definitely you should rent. Rent one of my houses. I have many, many houses.

Fourthly, if John Key says there is no crisis, there is definitely no crisis.

Enjoy the rest of your evening as I am to enjoy this expensive Hawkes Bay chardonnay.

Regards,

Mike Hosking

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