Monthly Archives: February, 2015

John Key reveals the government’s plans for Sky City

Prime Minister John Key spoke today outlining his government’s plan for sending in troops to Sky City.

The government has been concerned about the brutal group and their distressing methods of business for some time. Late last year Steven Joyce, Minister for Business, Innovation and Extermination, said that the government would not bow down to the terror group.

The National Party leader gave an impassioned speech to parliament.

“Sky City’s outrageous actions have united an international coalition of 62 countries against the group. This brutal group and its distressing methods deserve the strongest condemnation.

“New Zealand is already considered part of the coalition because we have previously signed certain deals with the casino operator which they are unable or unwilling to keep.

“The Government has been carefully considering its options to expand our contribution to the high rollers lounge offering humanitarian aid to those uber-wealthy hostages currently being held there.”

The Prime Minister was adamant this was absolutely the right thing to do.

“Mr Speaker, New Zealand is a country that stands up for its values. We stand up for what’s right. We have an obligation to support stability and the rule of law internationally and here at home. We do not shy away from taking our share of the burden when the international rules-based system is threatened. We have carved out our own independent foreign policy over decades and we take pride in it. We do what is in the National Party’s best interests.”

John Key said we could not be complacent and it was time the country stood together to fight against the scourge of Sky City.

John Key talks about dinner

Hullo New Zlnd.

I am your beloved prime minister and all-round deliverer of things to you. Unless you are on the benefit or live in one of those Housing NZ houses with the awesome views up near my place inRemuera.

Mr Key and Mr Liu

Mr Key and Mr Liu (Jamie Lee Ross cropped)

I thought it was important that I set the record straight following a few allegations that have been made by one of the main Saturday papers this morning.

I’d like to categorically state, for the record, as your beloved prime minister, I have never taken any money that would be classed as “dirty” by those people who can’t win elections like me. Have you seen? I’ve won heaps of elections.

I suppose the most worrying thing about all of these misplaced accusations is that they are absolutely and totally wrong. I have many dinners with many people that give me many hundreds of thousands of dollars. I can’t be expected to remember all of them.

It’s also important to point out that although there was a donation of $25,000 made to the National Party by Mr Liu, the donation was not made to me as the prime minister, but to the management trust that is responsible for masking where the National Party’s donations actually come from and how vast they are. I was attending in my capacity as the leader of the National Party, not as the PM, so I think we can agree that that’s all ok.

I’d also point out that Jamie Lee Ross has actually paid the donation back out of his own pocket so not only do the National Party win on the deal but Jamie can claim that back due to the fact that for people like us tax is only really an optional extra.

The other thing that needs to be pointed out is this: dinner is a very important meal. If you don’t eat dinner then you get hungry around 10pm and end up eating toast or biscuits or chocolate or other rubbish. Mr Liu realised this and invited me around for my tea. It was a delicious mixture of traditional Chinese cuisine and $100 notes in brown envelopes.

I hope that’s cleared everything up.

Bring on the Northland by-election.

JK