Novopay triumph for government

Today the National government announced the future plans for the troubled education payroll system Novopay. The system has had a rough ride since it was implemented almost two years ago.

At parliament today the Cabinet Minister for Fixing Up Really Bad Shit Stephen Joyce announced plans for the government to take over running the system from Australian company Talent2. Joyce laid out the plans at a press conference in parliament today.

“We are very excited about this new plan,” said Mr Joyce excitedly, “because we have gained control of the system so we can now begin to make some serious changes.”

Mr Joyce outlined the deal he had personally made with Talent2.

“We will take control of Novopay from Talent2 and they will pay us between $18 and $24 million. In return we will get full access to the software and hardware currently being used by Talent2 to run the system. Talent2 will be required to supply, absolutely free of charge, ongoing support because we still don’t know how the software works. For this free service the government will pay $9 million. Talent2 will also be penalised for any other issues that arise after the government takes over the contract. For this the government will pay $2 million for each error that Talent2 don’t know how to fix and $7 million for the ones they can fix. Also, for a small fee of $23 million, the government will get to use the words Talent2 as many times as we want during this press conference. Talent2.”

Joyce was adamant there were no winners from this process.

“Teachers have been left out-of-pocket. They have been mucked around waiting for pay, being paid too much, hardly being paid at all. The government have also suffered through this spending millions of dollars on software that they neither know the workings of or understand the workings of the software. Talent2 have also been big losers in this. They’ve had their contract cancelled and there’s the ignominy of being paid over $100 million. They will be very disappointed with that outcome.”

Mr Joyce says there was no way to foresee any of the issues created by the foreign-owned payroll and HR company set up by an actor. He also said it was important to remember the contract was negotiated under the last Labour government and the Greens are a bunch of fruitloops.

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