Hosking hits back

Greetings and salutations to you all.

I’m broadcaster and National Party stalwart Mike Hosking and I just wanted to take a bit of time out of my busy Saturday eating Gruyère cheese and supping trim latte’s to speak on a few issues that have popped up this week.

There has been some concern expressed after the announcement that I would be hosting the TVNZ leader’s debate. The most worrying thing for me is because of my long-running association with John Key – introducing him at public function, heading around to his Remuera house for brie, laughing at the poor in Owairaka – people are worried I could be biased. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Everybody knows David Cunliffe is a terrible human being with a stupid red scarf and, I have detected, a slight lisp. Because everybody knows this, mainly due to the fact I spend 7 minutes out of each 22 in which Seven Sharp is broadcast derising him, it’s important to remember everybody knows this. Not having me host the leaders debate would lead to a break in continuity. The public would become worried. I would become worried. What would I do? Sit at home and watch a leader’s debate on television not hosted by me? That doesn’t make any sense at all.

You know, there’s only one thing I like better than watching myself on television, and that’s listening to myself while I appear on television as I ask pertinent and hard-hitting questions to a Labour leader while praising and fluffing up a National leader. The last thing National need this late in the election cycle is people like John Campbell asking John Key about Kim Dotcom or the poor or Hekia Parata’s abject failure in every way, shape and form.

Rest assured, I will give both leaders equal opportunity on my show. They will both have exactly the same chances and they will be in the studio for exactly the same length of time. What my producer does and how my vision mixer flips between the very handsome John Key and the incredibly shifty looking used-car salesman who leads the Labour Party is completely up to them. If it turns out that Cunliffe’s face ends up in that scowling grumpy freeze frame that the New Zealand Herald have been using for the last three months, then so be it. This is television baby, not knitting time at the CWI.

I’m looking forward to September 21st when we can put this whole sorry saga behind us and get back to the illegal whale sushi and 100-year-old sake that we’re all used to.

Mike Hosking – working for New Zealand.

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