Reaction to Labour’s education announcements

Hello there. Hekia speaking.

There’s been a lot of talk this weekend about things that are not me. I’ve been concerned. People are talking about Labour and their policy. This is very worrying for me. People should be talking National Party policy. We have some. I promise.

So when you’re looking at the Labour education policy it’s important to remember several things. I am going to outline those things for you now.

Firstly, everybody knows, following years of research by people I like to quote, that class size has absolutely no impact on learning outcomes for students. For example, if there was a school with say 7 teachers, and each of those teachers had the current class ratio of 1:28 that was increased, then nothing, if anything, would happen. Everybody knows that good teachers at all those schools in Mt Eden or Epsom or other places I’d like to live can handle a 1:30 or 1:32 ratio. As well as this, all those students in those schools do very well indeed. I’ve seen their national standards data and it’s quite arousing.

Secondly, Labour doesn’t know what it’s talking about. If you ask any parent across the country, they would much rather have their child attend school with heaps of other kids. I’ve been talking to many, many parents right across New Zealand and they all say to me that they would love their child to be in a class with 40 other excited and well-behaved learners. It’s a no brainer.

Thirdly, has Labour actually thought about the damage they will do to the teaching profession if they dispense with our Indoctrinating Educational Sycophants (IES) programme? We have worked incredibly hard, speaking at all relevant stakeholders and telling them that this will be the single most important thing we can do for our priority learners. Spending millions of dollars across the nation paying self-absorbed teachers outrageous bonuses for telling other teachers how to do a job they already know how to do is totally the way to go. That’s how the banking sector works and apart from the odd massive financial crisis / recession / severe depression from time to time, this form of top-down impositional management structure works perfectly well. I see no reason for there to be a dissimilar outcome when we apply this model to education.

Lastly, everybody knows the unions are behind this. They’ve always been against me. And what have I ever done to them? Nothing. That’s what. I work so very hard creating an education system that I think all billionaires would be proud not to send their children to and what do I get? Moaning and complaining from people who should know better.

I am a government minister. I’ve been on a board of trustees before. Apart from never having been a teacher or educational researcher or developer of educational policies based on years of research into best practice, I know EXACTLY what New Zealand learners need.

You ask anybody. It’s obvious New Zealand need an education system where huge profits are siphoned off from the taxpayer to private interests, where students are crammed in 40-45 to a class, and where they are tested twice-yearly against a set of arbitrary assessment benchmarks after which they are compared with other students / schools around them to make them feel more stupid and useless than they already do.

And Labour want to take this away from them. Appalling.

Rant over.

Hek x

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2 responses

  1. Your rant is absolute rubbish the worse come back I’ve heard, your not listening to the professionals ie, teachers who are working the hardest. I too have been on 3 school trust boards and your changes make no sense. How can you justify this? You are making cut backs because your party have over spent for the last 6 years leaving our country in DEBT at its all time highest!!! You amuse me with such comments that the unions are against you. Gee go figure. I wonder why with such absolute rubbish policies. Our Education system needs to cater for everyones needs. Every NZ child has the right to have a good sound education.

    Like

    1. Just to let you know – I’m not Hekia. Just pretending to be for the purposes of satire. Smiley face!

      Like

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