A few items from Hekia

Hi everyone. Hekia here. I’ve been thinking a lot recently (I’m currently banned from talking by the PM) and I’d just like to run a few ideas past you.

Performance Pay

I’ve been getting a lot of flack over this – particularly from teachers who don’t appear to understand the sheer simplicity of the plan. You have some students, you test them, you teach them for a year and then you test them again. If they get better, then you get more money. It’s quite simple really. It works all the time in the private sector. I know a guy who works in the forestry industry up near us and he’s got an excellent performance pay system going. The faster his guys work, the more money they get. He’s only lost seven workers this year but the guys that are left are creaming it. Why can’t teachers just see that they could make gajillions of ka-ching if they just used their pupils.

Annoying Unions

Recently there’s been a lot of negative publicity from the teacher unions highlighting all the things that they seem to think are going wrong. I’d just like to categorically state right now for the record that everything is totally going to plan. The plan I’ve got is comprehensive and involves everyone working together and doing it my way. If you can all just do as I say at all times then I think we’ve got a great future ahead of us. If you just keep complaining about things that I’m forcing you to do then we’ll never get anywhere.

Sexy Policy Meeting

Oh. My. Goodness! What an amazing festival of teaching we had on the weekend. We had loads of people here from all around the world. Great teachers. Great researchers. People who’ve spent years enforcing those stringent testing regimes we know all the kids love. We spent loads of time going over and over and over the PISA results. The delegate from the Chinese embassy kept rubbing our noses in it. “Shanghai! Shanghai! Our results are going up to the sky!!” We decided they were good at drilling their kids for 16 hours a day to pass a three-yearly maths test but not very good in the rhyme-zone. I wasn’t sure whether to ask them how many other of their cities would be taking the test next time, or if they would take it as a whole country like all the other countries. Best not to talk about PISA really. Just accept the results and get on with it. We finished the weekend with the newly Sirred Sir Toby Curtis pulling out his guitar and leading everyone in a rousing chorus of Cheryl Moana Maree. Genius.

The Election

I’m expecting to do very well in the election this year. When I’m walking down the street or when I attend events or meetings around the country so many people are yelling stuff at me. Loads of people are actually so excited to speak to me they actually can’t control themselves and yell over the top of me when I’m speaking at them. It’s wonderful that I have so many enthusiastic supporters out there sending me great support. I urge you to continue loving me in the way that you do and I promise to continue releasing policies that you have to implement.

Enjoy voting for me.

Love Hek x

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