With the election drawing near My Thinks have begun a series of one-on-one interviews with some of the major players in this years campaign. First up we sent our intrepid reporter on to the mean streets of Thorndon to talk with current Minister of Education and chief National Party woman Hekia Parata.
MT: Hello and good afternoon minister. Thanks very much for giving up your time to speak to us.
HP: Absolutely no problems at all Mr Thinks. But be quick. Patrick Gower is planning to fawn all over me and accept my policy announcements as gospel just after three.
MT: Well I…
HP: So hurry up.
MT: OK… So you’ve recently announced several policies to deal with a range of different issues.
HP: I’m glad you mentioned the policies. You’ll notice some of them, if not many, actually have something to do with kiwi kids.
MT: You plan to pay teachers more?
HP: Yes. Absolutely. But not all teachers. Just some. You’ll agree with me, as most people I speak to do, especially journalists, that New Zealand teachers are generally mentally deficient. Our idea is to pit the young, go-getter teachers up against those teachers who may have been around for a while.
MT: How will you do that?
HP: We’ve set up cages in all major cities and teachers will be able to fight each other.
MT: To the death?
HP: To the death. We believe this policy will weed out the less able teachers and reduce the wage bill leaving more money for our most vulnerable children.
MT: And what are you doing for our most vulnerable children?
HP: Oh… um… children…. um… we’ve got a few ideas.
MT: What are those ideas?
HP: They are many and varied and we believe they will deal with issues related to our most vulnerable children.
MT: That sounds really, really great.
HP: Yes. Yes it does. You know if I was a vulnerable children I would be really amped up about National winning the election and sharing power with ACT, UnitedFuture, the Maori Party, NZ First, the Conservatives and anyone else we can offer a junior ministership to. Now doesn’t that sound like a winning combination.
MT: It sounds like a combination yes. Are you excited about the new applicants for charter school licenses?
HP: Yes I am Mr. Thinks. Our partnership schools programme is coming on nicely. So far we’ve spent several million dollars and educated well over 70 students.
MT: And do you have any details on the performance of those students? How are they going? How are the schools going?
HP: Oh… I can’t say.
MT: Surely you must be able to…
HP: No. I can’t say anything.
MT: What about…
MT: Moving on… Do you have anything else you want to add?
HP: Labour sux and National rulez. Yeah!!! Peace out.
*attempts high-five with reporter unsuccessfully*
My Thinks will return soon with more from the movers and shakers in education and beyond.