Hekia’s ideas for 2014

Hiya all!

Hekia here with some top quality ideas to get your education year up and running. With so many exciting things happening this year I thought it was important to let people know what sort of things they can do to make their year both amazing and memorable.

    1. If you are still having issues with Novopay, please ring Steven Joyce. I haven’t touched that poisoned chalice for ages, and thank God. It was like having a mill-stone around your neck and still being forced to go out and vote for Peter Dunne because we’d done a deal with him.
    2. Stress is not good for your body. If I feel stressed I find the best way to relieve myself is to either punch something very hard or begin a long, slow process of reforming something – usually I’d do this to sector of some kind.
    3. There are many things you can do to make your life a little easier. One of them is not shouting things out from the back of a hall when I’m trying to deliver a speech. Just because you’ve been put out of work, this doesn’t give you the right to harp on about being put out of work. It’s not my fault you can’t hold down a job at your closing school.
    4. We in the National government are very proud of what we have achieved in education over the last 5 years. From selling off some of our finest public assets to (soon to be) selling off some of our finest empty public education properties, we’ve had a fantastic time! Let’s crack a bubbly.
    5. A lot of people ask me how we are going to decide on who is an “expert teacher” or a “change principal.” Well, quite simply, “expert teachers” are teachers who are experts at supporting National Party policy and “change principals” are principals who are incredibly good at sychophantasising over National Party policy. Many actually vote for National or ACT – we know because we ask them before they apply for the job. No point in having any Green voters in there. After all… the Greens be cray-cray.
    6. If you’re living in Remuera or Epsom and you’re looking for someone to vote for in the upcoming election you’d do very well to put your tick next to that new guy with the bald head and the flash sounding voice. I’m not sure where he’s from but he’s turned up now as the leader of ACT and I wouldn’t be surprised if he cranks into some racist policy soon – ignore that. Just focus on the good policies like selling schools or free doobs for all.

I’ll probably have some more tips as the school year progresses. Be watching and looking and remember: if you haven’t finished your “to-do” list, you’re probably not working hard enough….

Love to all!

Hek x

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