Questions for David Cunliffe: from Steven Joyce, Cabinet Minister

Following the recent release of populist policies by Labour leader David Cunliffe, government minister and National Party strategist Steven Joyce has come up with a list of questions you stupid liberal pinky journey should be asking.


  1. How is Labour going to pay for all the policies it is currently releasing? With money?
  2. If Cunliffe thinks this policy is so great why doesn’t he go and live in Stalinist Russia or Australian or most of Europe who already have this type of thing?
  3. Why doesn’t Cunliffe put up or shut up. What other policies does he have? Why can’t we know them all immediately instead of being drip-fed over a number of weeks?
  4. Has he seen The Hobbit yet? If not, why not?
  5. When the lights went out at parliament the other night I lost my keys. Has he seen them? If not, why not?
  6. Is he aware that Lorde won some Grammys this week?
  7. I’ve also mislaid my wallet so I was wondering if he could spot me a deuce?
  8. Can he tell me the answer to 6 across (a letter in section, Theodore)?
  9. In what year did Red Rum win the Grand National?
  10. Which year did he arrive in New Zealand from outer space?
  11. Is he aware we live in a sovereign democratic nation and it could be argued that stealing votes off the ruling coalition is a treasonous offense?
  12. If a train leaves Grand Central Station travelling west at 70 km/hr and another leaves Chicago travelling east at 67 km/hr, how long will it take for you to admit your policy is rubbish?
  13. Did you know that I don’t like you very much?
  14. You are ridiculous.

I know that last question was a statement but I think it’s important that the media are far more probing against the Labour Party because everybody knows that when they spend money they are pulling it out of a rabbit’s bum, but when we spend it, it comes from wise spending decisions such as cutting taxes and giving millions to teachers. Paddy Gower is just not asking the right questions.

I think that should sort out a few things.


Insanely worded press release ends.


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