ACT Announce School in Schools Policy

Hard on the heels of coalition big brother National announcing a new Food in Schools programme today, the ACT Party has announced a groundbreaking education policy.

John Banks, Leader of the Least Popular Party Except for United Future, says the brand-new education policy is giving something back to kiwi children.

“Too many children attend a school where no schooling happens,” Mr Banks told a massive crowd of 7 at a special ACT breakfast.

Banks told the crowd of over 5 that he’d recently been to schools where teachers were spending their mornings feeding hungry kids rather than planning lessons, dusting blackboards or sharpening chalk.

“It’s a sad world when a child turns up to school and all they do is eat breakfast supplied by a religious charity or a dairy giant.”

Mr Banks went on to tell the packed lounge-room he was certain if kids turned up to school to attend school, rather than eat breakfast, learning outcomes would improve for our most vulnerable.

The School in Schools plan, announced to the heaving throng, would bring learning back to schools. Banks says teachers need to be teaching and not dipping into their own pockets to pay for sandwiches or taking kids on trips to the observatory or whatever.

“Back in my day,” said Banks, “everyone went to school and were schooled. Nowadays I’d be surprised if any child leaves school with any schooling at all.

“That’s why we’re so excited about bringing in this exciting new School in Schools development.”

Banks told the surging congregation School in Schools would see billions of kiwi children leaving school each day with schooling in their brains and smiles on their faces.

“It’s like Christmas, but with fewer presents, and more maths and stuff.”

The gathering finished with Mrs Banks making everyone a cup of tea and handing around a delicious plate of Krispies.

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One response

  1. Ha ha. Another goody!

    Like

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