PRESS RELEASE: Rodney Hide, Former MP, Ocean Swimmer, Star Dancer.
Former ACT leader and current New Zealand Herald commentator Rodney Hide has announced his ambition to become a school teacher. The shocking news was delivered at a no-holds-barred ‘smackdown’ breakout at the recent ACT Party rejuvenation conference. The conference, held at the sculpture garden of reclusive billionaire philanthropist and aviator Alan Gibbs, was said to be ground-breaking by several people in attendance – including TV3 political editor Patrick Gower, who was not in attendance.
Hide announced after the session, “I already have three degrees, have taught science and economics at undergraduate and postgraduate levels, have worked in a successful merchant bank and have some knowledge of government and its operation.”
Media attending the impromptu press conference all reported being slightly impressed with Hide’s pronouncements – not only his post-graduate work, but also the fact he had over two degrees, many of which were studied for during the tough economic climate of the early to mid-seventies when tertiary education was free-ish.
Patrick Gower reported on something else that was happening in another part of the country. Something scandalous. About puppies.
Hide continued; “In some capacity I would have something to teach students.”
Media agreed. Hide’s ability to teach would probably only be bettered by his abilities as a perk-busting MP so outraged by the waste of parliament that, while representing his Epsom constituents, made it his crusade to sample every single perk Parliamentary Services offered to, “make sure they were all as rotten as I thought they might probably be.”
Teachers around the country, many of whom sleep through much of the school week, welcomed Hide’s declaration.
“He will benefit the education system immensely,” said one un-named woodwork teacher from Christchurch, who was smoking a ‘fragrant Indonesian herbal cigarette’ while being questioned.
Another teacher, who complained about Novopay and John Key while not answering the question, said she wouldn’t answer the question until John Key wasn’t the Prime Minister and Novopay had been dumped.
Patrick Gower said something about David Cunliffe before sneezing and losing his lapel-mic down his chin-bum.