Transcribed Minutes from Secret Meeting

These notes were transcribed by office temp Raylene Johnson. They are taken from a short meeting, or Crisis Discussion, held recently between representatives of the Ministry of Education and Australian-based Novopay operators Talent2. They were accidentally sent to me after I sent in an email request to Novopay asking for a copy of a payslip from August. The email was accompanied by the bank account details of all teachers currently working in New Zealand and Australia.

Meeting commenced: 9:15am.

Present: Lesley Longstone, John Rawlinson, NotCraig Foss

Lesley: ok… Let’s get this thing going. John, we’ve called you over to New Zealand because we’re having a few problems with your Novopay system.

John: No you’re not.

Lesley: Um… yes we are John. We’ve had well over 10,000 errors since the system went live in August.

John: No you haven’t.

Lesley: Yes we have John. Just ask Craig here, the min…

NotCraig: (interrupting). That’s NotCraig. I’m NotCraig Foss. Treat me as if I’m not here. (waves hands in front of face) I’m not even here.

Lesley: Um… thanks NotCraig.

NotCraig: I. Am. NotCraig…

Lesley: If Craig were here…

NotCraig: …But he’s not…

Lesley: …I’m sure he’d be able to confirm the concern that both of us are having over this lackluster start.

John: I’m not sure I know what either of you are talking about. Talent2 have delivered a state-of-the-art payroll system for the Ministry of Education.

Lesley: But John, if you had there wouldn’t be any errors. Surely.

John: But Lesley we have. It says so on our website.

Lesley: Ok… let me just get that up on the tablet… ok so I’m on the Talent2 website now… which page do I click on?

John: (pointing) that one there… media slash PR.

Lesley: Oh… ok… (reading under breath) mumble mumble… top payroll operator… mumble mumble …have delivered… mumble mumble …just ask New Zealand Post… mumble mumble ….adequately satisfied.

John: So you can see from that press release, the comforting smile on my face, and the reassuring hand placed gently on your lithe wrist, that Talent2 has delivered on their promise of a payroll system for the New Zealand Ministry of Education.

Lesley: (smiling coyly) You’re absolutely right John. That is a really nice smile. And a strong hand.

John: Exactly. So are we all fine here?

Lesley: (giggling) Of course John. We’re completely fine.

John: NotCraig?

NotCraig: I think your website is really cool.

John: Good. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some journalists to charm the pants off. I might see you later.

Lesley: Oh John… just in case anyone asks…

John: (smiling). Blame the teachers, Lesley. Just blame the teachers (exits).

Lesley: He was really very nice. I have every confidence in everything he just said.

NotCraig: I might dress as a bunny next Hallowe’en…

Meeting ends: 9:23am

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