Ennunsiashun with Hon. Craig Foss

Hello there,

Until last week I was an unknown mid-bench National mute, but thanks to the Campbell Live journalists ambushing me with their “questioning” I am now slightly more known to some people.

While my auto-spell-checker is on I’d also like to point out a few things about the English language. Many of you may have heard during that interview, on many different occasions I referred to teacher “renumeration.” I would like to offer a small clarification to the many left-wing bloggers and Year 7 literacy students as to my use of this word.

I refer my definition of “renumeration” – the pay someone gets when they work. This is an actual word. As I’ve just pointed out. And I will keep pointing this out until it has entered the vernacular. I’ve learnt well from Stephen Joyce’s maxim: If you repeat a lie often enough it becomes National Party policy and accepted dogma.

I was talking to his Lordship John Key the other day. He walked up to me in Bellamy’s and said, “Gi’ay Fossco! Hekia still shafting you with the Novopay rubbish?” Before I could answer he walked off laughing at my “gay business suit” and my “gay shoes” and my “gay mood of happiness.” Over the years he has also taught me well with his liberal use of vowel blends and dispensing of several consonants per sentence.

Anyway… here’s a few definitions from the Fosscinary.

Pissgetti: an Italian noodle dish with tomato sauce.

Lickrish: a delicious aniseed treat.

Hostibal: where you go if you’re sick, injured or break something.

Ambleance: a van that takes you to the hostibal.

Proply: how I speak.

I hope that’s cleared up a few things for you. I’m off to Beckbinchers now to catch up with my old mate Dave ‘I have every confidence’ Cunliffe and his best pal Paddy ‘why won’t you comment?’ Gower.

See you all next time.

Fossco

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