Super-School Plans Announced

23 DECEMBER 2014

The new National-led coalition government today announced plans for a super-school in Auckland. Fresh off her resounding election win and the forming of a stable minority government with the United Dunne Party and Winston First, incoming Prime Minister Hekia Parata has announced another raft of changes for the education sector.

“I am very excited about these changes,” said Parata at a press conference this afternoon, “because they will improve education for New Zealand learners.”

Associate Education Minister Winston Peters, at her side for the two-hour press lecture, was in total agreement.

“These are changes to education,” said Mr Peters.

Following the success of the school mergers and closures plan for earthquake hit Christchurch during the last parliament, Parata has released plans for a new set of mergers and closures citing the fact that a mere 78,000 people were not in support of her plans.

“That’s well over 4 million New Zealanders who are in favour of this type of policy, or who didn’t manage to get questioned by our focus group.”

The plan is to close all schools in the South Island, lower North Island, central North Island, Waikato and Northland. Pupils from these schools will be then attend a state-of-the-art super-school in central Auckland to be called New Zealand School.

Winston Peters, Finance Minister, said the plans will not only save money but they will also save money.

Parata said that although the school may have well over 100,000 pupils, the fact that they will be housed in a multi-story warehouse development on Queen’s Wharf will be of great benefit to the Auckland economy.

“The students will spend their five days a week at school in Auckland and then return home over the weekend – just like a normal boarding school. Those who don’t return over the weekend can work for discounted youth rates digging the new Auckland harbour crossing. It’s a win-win situation.”

Deputy Prime Minister Winston Peters agreed saying, “I’m also Foreign Minister.”

Labour, whose 7 seats could hold the balance of power, were unavailable for comment. Although Trevor Mallard did tweet something slightly negative and not remotely humorous about Minister of Whaling, Cameron Slater.

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3 responses

  1. Man, it’s a winner! Funny and disturbing by turns.

    Like

  2. ha ha, had me there for a moment.

    Like

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