Hello once again.
We’ve talked about the foreign world for long enough and those of you unfamiliar with my fatness to fitness page may want to find out more about Boon. It’s also been a long time since I updated my about me page so apologies for that also.
As the title of this post suggests the focus for myself and Mrs. Boon is turning towards IVF with a ‘day one’ appointment coming up very shortly. Day one does sound a little like ground zero but it is, less ominously, the day in which everything IVF begins in earnest.
Before we start let’s delve into a little background…
We have been trying for children for a few years now. Due to various health experiences she had had in the past the wife had always suspected there might be an issue with our ability to conceive children the natural way. After attending a fertility seminar last year we decided to pay for a consultation with a private fertility guru – Dr Mary Birdsall from Fertility Associates Auckland. As a result, we were put on the fertility waiting list and now we find ourselves just a couple of months out from our first appointment. An extension of the story here can be found by clicking here.
There was an operation earlier this year and since we were already on the waiting list for IVF we bumped ourselves to September so that conception might happen as the higher powers intented. Alas this is not the case and we find September just over a month away now and resignation has begun to set in. Children may not happen for us without scientific intervention.
With this resignation comes other thoughts… Will we ever have children? What will our lives be like without kids? Because we have been trying for so long it seems that having a baby is our life at the moment. And sometimes you do think terrible things like, “when this is over and we don’t end up with any kids we might be able to go to Vegas for a cool holiday” This is one of the many, many times when guilt sets in.
This whole process makes you feel guilty in the first place because things aren’t happening correctly. You feel guilty in the second place because you’ve just thought out beyond your current predicament – a time when IVF may fail and you may not ever have kids of your own. I keep telling myself it is a coping mechanism but it doesn’t really help. Guilt is always there bubbling away and will lift its head up and roar its guilty roar at any moment.
For example, I saw a pregnant lady on the street the other day and I thought to myself, “cow, how come she’s pregnant and we’re not?” The roar of the guilt monster invades my brainspace.
The trouble with fertility is many-fold but key to it, as I’ve mentioned previously, is the fact that it takes a long, long time. You only get 12 chances a year – fewer if your parents are staying. It’s all mathematics, peeing on sticks and timing. Very mechanical.
Everyone tries to make you feel better as well. I must be careful here because our friends and family have been remarkable and supportive through this but there are only a few people we know who have had fertility issues and really know what we’re going through. Everyone knows we’ve been trying – we could’ve kept it secret but other friends were trying at the same time and let us know so we let them know. They got pregnant and had kids as well and we’re still trying. You sometimes feel a bit left behind.
While waiting for an appointment with our fertility counsellor the other week we stumbled upon an article in a magazine. It talked about all the things people say when they are wanting to be supportive to their friends in times of unsuccessful fertility. The beautiful thing about the list of ‘sayings’ was that they had replaced fertility with the ability to walk in all of the things people said and posed the question, would people say these things to someone who couldn’t walk?
- If you just forget about walking, it’ll happen.
- Why don’t you just stand up and start walking?
- I had a friend and they were trying to walk for ages and ages and they ended up walking and it was great. You’ll walk just like them I bet.
The article had a very long list of similar phrases many of which we familiar to us.
Well… I have so much more to say on this issue but that’s enough for now. I will, of course, keep you posted as things happen. There will be times of sadness and anger and if you wish to communicate your experiences through the comments option on this page then do feel free.
Until next time, may all your swimmers be successful.
PS: Here’s the link to IVF 2