Age Has Conquered My Knees

Salutations to you all…

It is with a weary heart and tired thighs that I write these words. My age has crept up on me. I know this for a fact and I will include several examples of why this is so over the next 40,000 well constructed and correct gramatically paragraphs.

Firstly: The other day I began talking about my 40th birthday. Due to the fact there are a group of us who will be turning 40 around about the same time we started discussing the merits of holding some kind of combined party. Ok, fair enough. You would probably save money on venue hire. That is a sensible option for more mature types.

Secondly: Every time I crouch down to pick something up my knees crack like a pair of over-excited starter’s pistols. One goes, quickly followed my the other. It’s like a false start at the olympics but without the endemic steroid abuse.

Thirdly: I’ve begun sounding and acting like my dad. I seem to be constantly grappling with waves of uncontrollable stubbornness. I now have a couple of sayings that make absolutely no sense, yet I tend to say them anyway. Repeatedly. I sometimes tell the same story three times in one conversation. Back in my day kids never sounded like their fathers.

Despite these knee and parental issues, age is helping me to enjoy myself more.

I’m now far less concerned about what people think of me. I remember in my teens and 20s, it seemed that was all I did was think about what people were thinking about me. I look back on those years of self doubt now and laugh. The older and wiser me doesn’t care what that person over there thinks of the way I eat a peanut, or what that person on the other side thinks about the kind of beer I’m drinking. I sometimes feel like yelling from the rooftops, “I don’t care what you think! I am my own man!! You can’t make me do or think anything!!!” I don’t, of course. What would people think?

It is also pleasing to know that, being a male, and having gone to an all boys secondary school for some three years, I am still made to giggle by someone breaking wind. I am still tittilated by a joke or comment regarding a person or persons toileting habits. So confident am I that others share my fascination with this type of jocularity, I have tagged this page with the terms: bum, poo, wee, and lesbian, in order that I might increase my blog stats 10-fold. My body may have graduated primary school in the early 80s, but my mind didn’t (I promise to have stats to prove my hypothesis in the coming week).

Age need not cause you to become maudline. Embrace it. Feel free to express yourself – just watch the knees and other such joints in time of activity.

Enjoy the rest of your evening.

Boon x


US Presidential Election

As the curtain falls on the reign of one of the worst United States presidents ever to be inflicted on the world, the race is on to see who will become the next person to hold the ability to destroy entire continents with the push of a small button.

Before I freely converse my thoughts on this mottled group of wizened and not so wizened campaigners, let us look back with disgust at the tenure of Old Dubya. What a horrible, all too thick and stupidly dumb person to be in charge of a nuclear power. In every poll result I’ve looked at (and there has been over 3) 60% plus of his fellow Americans disapprove of Bush’s “performance”. Ask yourself this question: Is the world a safer place because of the 8 years contribution of George W.? If you’re answer is yes then you are possibly a blinkered right wing evangelist spouting all manner of divisive hegemony from the safety of your Montana bunker – far away from the prying eyes of us normal people who believe our fellow man and woman should be loved and cared for, nurtured rather than bombed into submission. It amazes me that the Conservative right of America are tardy when it comes to offering healthcare to those who need it most, but quite freely welcome the spending of billions of dollars (that’s US dollars, not Fijian or Canadian) fighting a war over weapons of mass destruction that don’t exist (they were there, our intelligence said they were!! Look at the face of your intelligence – if Dubya is the commander-in-chief, what does that say about those lower down the food chain?)

Anyway, everybody knows that George W. Bush is an anagram of Ugh! Sewer Bog.

So to the former alcoholic coke fiend’s replacement…

The Republicans are probably going to put up John McCain – I don’t know why they didn’t last time. Handsome gameshow host Mitt Romney might be in there as number 2. He’s too pretty for the Republicans to leave out of it completely. Romney’ll be a good chance to sweep the female and crazy gay vote for the party if they keep him on.

Meanwhile, the Democrats who appear to be slugging it out for the top job are Barack Obama and Billary Clinton. I don’t know which one of these two will get through, either way, it will be most interesting to see if America is ready to be lead by a person representing minority groups such as the African immigrant community or women.

I think the world might be hoping for a Democrat president. Any Republican, no matter how handsome or how decorated he might be, is too close to the far right and would be in danger of adopting random oppressive policies at any time. Votes is votes.

The cost of this upcoming election will be massive. In 2004, Dubya spent $US367 million to be reelected. That is an astronomical figure and a figure that will be eclipsed by each candidate this year. Experts (and I don’t know who they are because I read about it on the internet and it didn’t say) predict each candidate will spend over $US400 million. How many schools would this buy? How many medical insurance policies could this pay for? How many days of war in Iraq would this pay for (nearly 1.5 according to Deborah White)?

Who will win? Who cares… It has to be better than a dumbass alky coke head (a well-known anagram of A-la-mode shaky suck bed).

Until next time.

Boon x